keridis @ 2006-10-20T08:15:00
This is something I had to say, but just for myself...
Dear Markus,
because you will never ever read this, I write it down here, esp in that language...
Thank you for the gone summer. Now that I'm a bit farther away I can see it like this. Most of the tears and pain are forgotten and the rest is me beeing grateful in a way.
I've learnt a lot about your profession and admire you for loving your job soo much!
I'm not sure if there is anything left in me (or you), anything apart from hope. Sometimes I'm one the verge of just asking you but then again why should I make a fool of myself by asking and there's not the same on your side.
Why would I stay close to you? Because you're a supposed-to-be-friend right now? Because of my hurt pride? Because I like the idea of someone like you still loving me? Because the memories are too lovely just to put them aside without sorrow? I guess I will never be brave enough to answer this fully for myself...
Anyway. I'm sorry for not beeing able to see you whenever I thought it would happen. But you not beeing in sight is in the end something to heal myself. Because I won't be reminded that much how precious you were or could have been for me. Makes it easier for me to become less involved, more the stranger again to you.
All I hope is if there is anything left on your side you would let me know. That you aren't too afraid of me or the circumstances to let me go.
I wish I could love you as much as I'm able to, with the deep whole of my heart. You deserve love and tenderness! And me too...
Yours
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